July 2025

Me: "I don't know what the heck to write about this month. I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like I'm drowning."

My partner: "Write about that."

Me: "But everyone feels like that... Isn't it kinda fucked up to be drowning and then preach about drowning to other drowners?"

My partner: *shrugs and abandons the conversation*

It's July 4th. America's independence day. Our "break" from authoritarianism. And, quite possibly, our reluctant return to it.

But I don't want to talk about the news, or the Big Ugly Bill. I don't want to talk about book bannings or the horrors of war, about ICE raids or rising global temperatures. Not because I don't care deeply about these topics, or because these topics don't deserve FAR MORE than a brief mention in a flippant line. But because I feel like I'm drowning and, maybe, you do too.

But I've learned a lot over these past six months. And I'm not talking about the intricacies of corruption (jfc) or about how blatantly bigoted our country is—*trying not to cry; trying not to spiral*—but about my own capacity to care.

I used to say I hated where I was from because I was so disappointed with my administration (because, no, it's never been sunshine and rainbows on Capitol Hill) and those who support/enable said administration (because, no, racism and Christian Nationalism are not new), but recently I realized how much I love where I'm from.

I met my favorite person in the whole wide world in the rainy, PRIDE-tastic city of Seattle. I grew up playing Fairy Witch Monsters (patent pending) in the shadowed nooks of California's rolling hills. I ate the best slice of pizza I've ever had at 2 a.m. in the car with my family after a long drive to NYC. And I held my dad's hand while he passed away from brain cancer in the small town of Kapa'a, Kauai.

I've watched my born-family grow here—spouses, nieces, nephews—and my found family flourish from coast to coast. And as much as I hate what's going on, I love where I'm from. Because America does not = our administration. America = us.

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Today, I plan to march, to keep fighting, to keep being a grain of sand in MAGA's fascist machine. Will it be enough? Will it make a difference? I don't know. I wish I knew, but I don't. I wish I had all the answers, but I don't.

But I do know one thing. I won't be the only one celebrating the Forth of July by enacting my right to peacefully protest. I also know I won't be the only one to stop by the Planned Parenthood tent or the Trans Rights booth. And I definitely won't be the only one wondering, "what else can I do?" then following up that horrible feeling with a quest for answers.

If anything good can be said about our current administration, it's this: it's gotten a lot of folks to wake up, smell the BS, and want to do something about it. Personally, I've leaned into all of my communities so much harder because of what's going on. If there's a writer meet-up somewhere, I'm going. If the houseless aid center I volunteer at needs extra hands on deck, I'm all in. If my bestie down in Louisiana wants to rant about how the government is eliminating her life-saving job, I'm gonna take the goddamn call. Heck, not five minutes ago I emailed my building manager asking if we can have a community bulletin board. It's time I get to know my neighbors, walk their dogs when they can't make it home on time, offer a safe place to someone who doesn't know it's just a few apartments over.

I went into this newsletter feeling beyond disheartened. And no, a few paragraphs later I am not magically absolved of that feeling. But, it's easier to see now that I'm not drowning, I'm treading water. We all are. And it's tough. But our best chance of survival is banding together, pulling each other up and offering support where we can. Thanks for being a part of my community.

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📃Current WIP(s):🧬Project EG - stabby, sapphic sci-fi/dystopian; 🪷Project SATC - chem-punk, portal sci-fi/fantasy.

📈WIP status(es): I'm about 2/3 of the way through Draft 4 of 🧬Project EG! I’m hoping to finish up by the end of July, hand it off for a light pass from a couple more readers, then send it to Agent Des by early Fall. 🪷Project SATC... on sub... still waiting... may account for 20-40% of my perpetual drowning feeling at any given time...

📚Current read(s): Underland by Robert Macfarlane, Dark Matter by Blake Crouch, Legendborn by Tracy Deonn, and Black and Blue Widow by Rhiannon Rollness. Is my ADHD showing?

✨ Other: ⛰️ I plan on hiking Mount St. Helen's next month and I'm really excited! It's been on my and my partner's list for a while :)

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📘: 🐺 Tell the Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt — me while reading: "hmmm, no, maybe, no, wait, yes? awe 🥺, wait, AWWWEEE 🥺🥺🥺, wait AWWWWEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭!!" So, if that's the vibe you're wanting + cute sister/fam bonds, give it a shot.

🎥: 🦇 Sinners starring Michael B. Jordan and Michael B. Jordan — If you haven't seen it, what are you waiting for?

🎵: 👩‍🦰 “Cha Cha” by Sophie Hunter — just listen.

🧠: Mini reminders: shop local, shop BIPOC/LGBTQIA+, read banned books, read new books, read as many books as you can, say "hi" to the houseless, if you can't offer goods/assistance, offer kindness, keep boycotting the big bad mega corporations, remind folks that making the switch back from chatGPT/other gen-AI/other plagiarism-tools to good ol' web searching/going to the library/reading a dang book is like making the switch back from getting plastic bags each time you go to the grocery store to bringing your own reusables (if they don't care about copyright infringement and mass theft of intellectual property, maybe they care about the environment?), keep marching, keep speaking out on social platforms, keep pursuing the things that bring you joy, and lastly, remember to rest.

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As always, thank you for reading! Big hugs! And stay strong (which means asking for help and leaning on others when you need it).

XOXO,

Rain ☔ she/her